• When things go wrong, when sadness fills ur heart, when tears flow in ur eyes, always remember 3 things: I’m with u, U have money & Bar is open

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Sign seen on the back of a truck: Driver carries no money, his wife has it.

An MBA: If you love someone, set her free instantaneously, And look for others simultaneously

A man finds his wife in bed with another man. "What are you doing?" he yells. "See," she says to her lover, "I told you he was dumb.

"He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes."

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

Why do violists get antsy when they see the Kama Sutra? All those positions!

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

7. Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an altar boy.