If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them.

Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others

Men who say they can see through women are missing a lot.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Marriage is like a cage; those outside are desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"

# Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.

A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

# I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.