• When things go wrong, when sadness fills ur heart, when tears flow in ur eyes, always remember 3 things: I’m with u, U have money & Bar is open

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Ghar ghar main diya jale To diwali mat samjho Agar main tera peeche paroon To mawali mat samjho

Well, the first student to try to do this was a math student. Hey says "Hmmm... Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and by induction, we have that all the odd integers are prime."

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

Q:How do you know when men are about to say something smart? A:It starts with "My wife says..."

Ä Are you free for the rest of your life?

A friend is a push when you have stopped, a chat when you are lonely, a guide when you are searching, a smile when you are sad, a song when you are glad.

Ninety percent of men cheat in marriage. The rest do not marry.

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

What is a chord? Three violists playing in unison.