What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain? Gifted.

Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. "

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Ä Are you free for the rest of your life?

I want to give myself to you. Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.

What is the thinnest book in the world? "What men know about women."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?"

What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away? Root position cords.

One tree can start a forest, one smile can start a friendship. One touch can show you care, one friend can make life worth living for.

"If you love someone, set her free. If she comes back, She’s yours, If she doesn’t She never was. !!!"