A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others

FRIENDS True friends are like Diamonds... they are real and rare. False friends are like leaves... they are scattered everywhere

Suspicious: If you love someone, set her free. If she ever comes back. Ask her why

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

Does your name begin with: S For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet. You like being the centre of attention. You are very caring sensitive, private and sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game. You take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous and giving, often selfless. You are kind natured and sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.

Neil Armstrong Chand par Gaya aur Farmaya Ye Saala, Idhar hawa kyon nahin ayaa

What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend? Homeless.

• Jab apka SMS ata hai mera rom-rom machal jata hai, sara badan kaamp jata hai, dil main gudgudi si hoti hai. Stupid, yeh apka kasoor nahi, mera phone Vibrator per hota hai

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.