Is this seat empty? Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down

Hey, buddy, how late does the band play? Oh, about half a beat behind the drummer.

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

• Similarity between Gandhiji & Mallika? Dono ne kapde tyag diye, ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne Deshwasion ke liye!

I won't promise to be your friend forever, coz I won't live that long. But let me be your friend as long as I live.

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."

Men are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

COMPUTER A good friend is like a computer; me 'enter' ur life, 'save' u in my heart, 'format' ur problems, 'shift' u 2 opportunities & never 'delete' u from my memory! FRIENDS ALWAYS In this WORLD, where everything seems UNCERTAIN, only one thing is DEFINITE. You'll always be my FRIEND, beyond WORDS, beyond TIME & beyond DISTANCE! ANGEL FRIENDS I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels but I call them my best friends.

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

• Viagra now available in powder to put in tea, does nothing for erections but stops your biscuit from going soft.