"My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life."

When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

• A great scientist developed a bra that stops woman's boobs from bouncing while running or nipples showing when wet. His colleagues killed him!

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo? They make good paddles.

Care is the main ingredient that keeps true friendships alive despite separation, distance and time. Care sustains love. Since I can't see you, let my care be with you, friend!

# Love cards like Valentine's cards say stuff on them that we'd like to say ourselves, but we wouldn't be caught dead saying.

Does your name begin with: Y You are sensual and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However if you can make money you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating and romantic.

# I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.

Sex has no calories.

The world is round so that friendship may encircle it.