Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the bassoon recital.

To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.

Time and distance are important between friends. When a friend is in your heart, they remain there forever. I may be busy, but I assure you, you are always in my heart!

A man finds his wife in bed with another man. "What are you doing?" he yells. "See," she says to her lover, "I told you he was dumb.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

I thank the Lord for the gift of friendship where I can be myself and be accepted as I am and for finding a home in the heart of a friend.

If friends were flowers surely I would not pick you! I'd let you grow in the garden and cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you forever.

Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.