Woman #1: (holding a large potato in each hand) "These potatoes remind me of my husband's balls." Woman #2: "My goodness, are they that large?" Woman #1: "No, they're that dirty!"

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do

Lawyer: If you love someone set her free Clause 1a of paragraph 13a-1, in the second amendment of the national matrimonial act clearly states that.

My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.

# Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.

"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."

Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.

You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

A smile makes us look younger… while prayers make us feel stronger… and friends…? They make us enjoy life forever.

How can you tell the stage you're playing on is level? The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.