"If today is the first day of the rest of your life, then what the hell was yesterday?"

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Some joys are better explained in silence, as a smile gets more audible than laughter. I was asked if I enjoyed my friendship with you. I just smiled.

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Mondays, I go Fridays.

How is lightning like a violist's fingers? Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

Men's motto: Whoever dies with the most toys wins. Women's motto: Whoever dies with the most toys still dies and gives it all to his wife.

HOW "THEY" DO IT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX Frank Sinatra does it his way

Fuck as most words in the English language is derived from German. The word "Ficken", which means to strike.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

HOW "THEY" DO IT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX Ambulance drivers come quicker