# When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared they won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more.

Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!

Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.

Somnambulist: If you love someone set her free If she comes back, it’s a nightmare, If she doesn’t, you must be dreaming.

"We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere."

Why do violists get antsy when they see the Kama Sutra? All those positions!

Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.

HOW "THEY" DO IT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX Pizza delivery men come in 30 minutes or it's free

HOW "THEY" DO IT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX Bankers do it with interest

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."